Conjunctivitis, clothes and other matters

Well, firstly the day began with a more sleepful night - albeit still very vivid, surreal dreams full of conversations with people - oh, how I long for a normal sleep like I had before this all began and to just feel the natural state of tiredness and a yawn coming on - when you just 'feel' you are ready to go off to bed - instead of the nighly vigil I go through which is worth a blog in itself one day.

On a less-moaning note ... the winter sun was beautiful today - the air had a South-Island feeling - crisp and dry. I got a couple of new clothes in some nice, bright colours. I am really drawn to the colour 'orange' ... it has such good energy. I used to be interested in fashion before all this happened, that was re-kindled last year when I made a 'come back' and yes, even accessorised - then I'm afraid it was track suits and a more grunge look this year which even Kurt Cobain would be envious of. It certainly was not by choice but just because of feeling so lousy. As for my hair - well, that's another matter. My once shiny, brunette mane has turned into a drug-frizzed distinguised grey as it can't withstand any chemicals.

Unfortunately on our drive home from getting the clothes, we had a call from Noah's day-care to say he had conjunctivitis - so we have been busy this afternoon sorting that out. He's just on the tail end of a cold and ear infection - the winters certainly don't agree with him AT ALL. After all we went through last year with GPs, homeopaths, cranial-osteopaths etc we had hoped his immunity might have improved. He is a bit like me and feels the cold really quickly and has to be dressed like an Eskimo during the cooler weather.

Last year before he was in day-care my husband and I cared for him full-time - you would think that because two people were on the job it would have meant rest for us but honestly it was January of this year before we sat down one day during the day for a break. It had been round the clock nappy changes (his skin is very sensitive so prone to nappy rash) and he would delight in pulling his cot apart so sometimes I would be making his bed 2-3 times a day. He loved making 'snow' - as he described it, which was trailing toilet paper around the house. He was a very messy eater and we had carpet (advice to parents-to-be - choose a home with a tiled dining room!) so I would vacuum at least twice a day. Somehow even though there were only 3 of us in the house there were up to 2-3 laundry loads a day etc. Noah started walking before 9 months so has never been one for just sitting there and observing - he wants to do everything an adult does and refused to go in a stroller past 2 years which made life very interesting when in shops or out walking. I got a monkey backpack in the end with a tail/reins for his own safety as he was a road-runner but he struggled with allowing me to hold them although Dad was allowed to. I was constantly reassembling things in shops too which he had dismantled. I look at parents with 3-4 kids and am in awe ... I know they haven't been through what we've been through but nevertheless it's hard to imagine the co-ordination required - maybe they just had more networks and babysitters or more sedate and healthy children!!

On another note, a nutritionist who is one of the best in the country asked my GP for a series of tests to be ordered in, which should have been done back in 2008 ... they are fairly standard tests related to food allergies, cortisol and hormone levels and the like and my doctor has refused to co-operate so we are hoping another doctor will assist us. I have had a history of things like serious Salmonella and Irritable Bowel etc so the nutritionist has a feeling that has affected the gut and liver - hence my increased sensitivity to pharmaceutical drugs.

I am so thankful for all the people who have emailed me - sorry I haven't had a chance to send individual replies but your encouragement, prayers and love are truly appreciated.

I have written to many Miracle Healing sites around the globe and enlisted support from many prayer chains - thank you to all those people who continue to pray for me.

On Sunday we are getting together with a Pastoral Care assistant at a Baptist church who is going to try and co-ordinate some more assistance for us. It would have been fab to have had them last year when all the house repairs were going on etc but nevertheless we are very grateful. When you're in the midst of so much busyness you just don't think of who could be available to help with certain tasks. On top of everything else last year I went through a real faith crisis ... I have been a cradle-Catholic raised by a very obsessive Catholic father so the idea of leaving the church is kind of as radical as having a sex-change for me. I went to a couple of Anglican and Baptist services - I certainly see God in all people - it's just been a challenge to find the right fit when you are so used to one way of worshipping.

I haven't really even begun to tell my story yet about what happened when I started medication ... it's going to be an arduous task and probably very unpleasant but ultimately hopefully cathartic and helpful for others.

Well, off to sip some peppermint tea and to try desperately hard to not delve back in to the past nor future catastrophise .... when you read more in the next few days you will understand why that has become such a problem.

Goodnight and God bless any readers.