Church this morning at Windsor Park Baptist church in East Coast Bays ... afterwards I had two very lovely ladies pray for me and then a meeting with the leader of the care team who is going to co-ordinate some assistance for our family ... practical things like finding a reliable babysitter, helping with meals, prayer visits and maybe some occupational therapy and other social activities to assist in our rehabilitation and setting goals. In essence it's starting over and attempting to get somewhere close to what I had last year. Seems impossibly hard but with God's grace and some extra assistance from others I just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Maybe I had to have this huge fall to learn not to put so much pressure on myself - so that when things do improve I will savour them so much more and know when to stop pushing myself.
In 2010 I visited the Church and went on some play-dates there that I drove myself to and felt completely 'normal' at the time - Noah was there for a Christmas party getting his face painted so some very happy memories. It was weird to re-visit in my current raw state. One of the women who prayed for me emphasised the importance of forgiving myself for so many things - she's right - it's just hard to let go when you think you could have done things to prevent a re-lapse. But I absolutely do know I did the best I could under very trying circumstances.
In a bid to make friends last year for myself and Noah I put myself into some pretty pressured situations like play-groups in un-fenced areas ... with a 'runner' that was putting a lot of stress on myself. So for my new baby-step goal it might just be meeting someone at a fenced cafe where I feel more confident. But that's probaby a way off. Home visits would be easier for now.
Last year I tried several avenues to get babysitters and would end up in bidding wars ... I would call a reference to check on the prospective babysitter - they would then get scared of losing their sitter and then offer them more money and work - frustrating. The competitive world of mothering, eh?!
Noah stayed at his granparents last night so we could have the meeting this morning. He is chocka full of cold still ... the conjunctivitis is looking a bit better. Just need his appetite to improve.
I haven't started any of the account of my real medical story yet ... but again just pleased to be typing at the moment. Still only managing about 3-4 hours sleep so my concentration isn't what it used to be.
My request tonight is for prayer for the best route to persue medically. I am booked for another IV Vit C tomorrow ... really want to have some confirmation that this is the right direction to go in - it's so hard to know sometimes and I've certainly had no big signs from God. I really envy people who say they pray about something and things just seem to fall in place that seem to not just be co-incidental. My mind is probably a bit too cluttered at the moment to hear God's voice so it's going to be a question of patience and perhaps trusting the team who is going to enter our lives soon.
Goodnight to you all and God bless you and your families.
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